¿Por qué me creó Dios? «Dios te creó porque te ama y quiere que disfrutes comunión con él». 

Una frase cambió drásticamente la forma en que veía el asalto. Antes y durante Restaurados, estaba obsesionada con el papel de Dios en nuestro sufrimiento. Si Dios era bueno y poderoso, ¿por qué no había impedido la violación? Esa pregunta comenzó a atormentarme. Me sentía tentada a creer las mentiras que me susurraba Satanás. Quizás Dios no era bueno o poderoso. 

Pero todo cambió cuando comprendí que Dios me había creado específicamente para tener comunión amorosa con Él.

El dolor a menudo nos hace sentir incomprendidos. Satanás tiene una forma de hacernos sentir como si nuestras luchas fueran únicas. Yo había experimentado esto cada vez que compartía con alguien sobre el asalto. Me resentía su empatía. «¿Qué saben ellos? No saben lo que es eso». Mi corazón podía ser notablemente insensible hacia otras personas que intentaban animarme desde un lugar de comprensión. Dado que las personas que se preocupaban por mí a menudo no habían sufrido abusos, fácilmente descartaba su sincero aliento con un «no lo entienden».

Durante nuestra primera noche de Restore, hablamos sobre el poder redentor de nuestra historia. Dios usa historias —Su historia y nuestra historia— para darse a conocer a nosotros. Dios no me estaba llamando simplemente a comprender mi historia; me estaba llamando a comprender mi historia a la luz de Su historia. Su historia de amor y restauración le da sentido incluso a las partes confusas y oscuras de mi propia historia.

When I thought about the new heavens and new earth, I imagined that I would no longer feel sadness over the rape. I wouldn’t be tempted to seek comfort through fantasy. I wouldn’t relate to others from a place of fear.

What captivated me most from Isaiah 65:17, though, was that the former things “shall not be remembered or come into mind.” When Jesus returns, I won’t even think about the rape. I won’t remember it. I won’t even think about remembering it!

Learning about Jesus’ desire to draw near to me by His Spirit and through His Word changed the way I approached reading the Bible.

During the dark days of grief over the assault, I opened the Bible, longing to understand why God had allowed this terrible thing to happen to me. I often felt like I was met with silence. Restore helped me to understand that Jesus’ offered up His presence freely to me in the midst of my suffering.

Instead of looking to the Bible for answers as to why, I began to read Scripture through the lens of comfort. All over the pages of my Bible were promises of renewal and hope.

I had always thought the goal of spiritual warfare was to persuade God’s people to do bad things. While Satan certainly is in the business of leading God’s people into sin, Restore was helping me to understand an even more perverse goal of the enemy. He is daily trying to cause me to doubt God’s love for me.

It has been his goal since the beginning. 

I felt the force of these lies during the early months of my pregnancy. I was plagued with fear about potentially losing the baby. Every twinge or ache caused panic to ripple through my body.

Why did God create me? “God made you, because he loves you and wants you to enjoy communion with him.” That one sentence dramatically changed the way I viewed the assault.

Prior to and during Restore, I was obsessed with God’s role in our suffering. If God was good and powerful, why hadn’t He stopped the rape? That question began to haunt me. I felt tempted to believe Satan’s whispering lies. Perhaps God wasn’t good or powerful. 

But everything changed if God created me specifically for loving communion with Him.

“Pain often leaves us feeling misunderstood. Satan has a way of making us feel as if our struggles are unique.

I had experienced this whenever I shared with someone about the assault. I resented their empathy. “What do they know? They don’t know what it’s like.” My heart could be remarkably callous towards others trying to encourage me from a place of understanding. Since the people caring for me often hadn’t experienced abuse, I easily brushed off their sincere encouragement with “they don’t get it.”

“During our first night of Restore, we talked about the redeeming power of our story.

God uses stories—His story and our story—to make Himself known to us. God wasn’t calling me to merely understand my story; He was calling me to understand my story in light of his story. His story of love and restoration gives meaning to even the confusing and dark parts of my own story.”